Friendship,
The Company That Shapes You.
Day 15 closes our Community week by walking through the kinds of friendships every believer has and the gift of a mentor who sharpens you like iron sharpens iron.
Community FocusFriends, Influence, Mentorship Key verse1 Corinthians 15:33It's Day 15, which marks our last day focusing on Community. Today, we will be looking at two major parts that truly affect your acceleration of spiritual growth: friendships and accountability. I say these two components affect the "acceleration" of growth because they have such a personal impact on the development of your character. Motivational speaker Jim Rohn coined the phrase, "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." This is saying that you will develop the attitudes, behaviors, and values of the people you interact with the most. This significantly impacts your mindset and actions. As you develop your spiritual journey with others around you, there are two results people around you will have: they will either encourage you toward or away from Christ. Who is influencing your life? It says this in 1 Corinthians:
Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character."
Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.
This verse reminds us to be selective about whom we spend time with. You should be very intentional and not allow just anyone to influence your life. The reality is we are all influenced by someone, so again I ask, who is influencing you, and do you want to be influenced by them?
The reading asks, "Who is influencing your life?" Name the top three people you spend the most time with, and honestly ask whether they are pulling you toward Christ or away from Him.
Friendships
Who we choose to become our close and personal friends does matter. We must try our best to be honest as we examine our current friendships and gauge the healthiness of those relationships with honesty. For new believers, letting go of some long-time friends might be one of the toughest decisions we have to make early in our journey. Some healthy questions you should think about are the following:
Does this friend or group of friends have a relationship with God?
Do I find myself drawing closer to God when I'm around them?
What activities do I find myself involved in when I'm spending time with them?
Do they in any way discourage me or redirect the conversation if we start talking about faith?
These are just some honest, inward reflection questions to think about concerning your current circle of friends. It's important to note that your friends do matter, and they matter to God. If you find that you have negative influences in your life, I would encourage you to pray for them and encourage them toward Christ and believe in their salvation. I'm not proposing that you tell them, "I don't like you anymore because I'm following God." Please be very careful with that. One thing I have noticed in my own life is this: the more you talk about your relationship with God, the easier it is to find out who is for or against God. It's also important to be cautious and graceful in how we bring up conversations about God. We are not trying to condemn them (John 3:17, Romans 2:4); we are trying to love them toward the cross.
What I'm suggesting is (with love) placing a greater distance, relationally speaking, between those unhealthy relationships. Sometimes you need to turn and run away from that friendship completely. Examples of this include gang affiliation, drug abuse, and alcohol abuse, to name a few real-life examples. I have seen many cases where this is required. Regardless of whether we are running quickly away from a certain negative friendship or if we are slowly taking steps back away from that relationship, we must guard the inner circle of our life, no matter what. Next, you will see a short list of some examples of friendship types to give greater awareness of this topic.
One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
What should you do if your current friendships are unhealthy? Should you completely cut ties, or should you try to win them to Christ?
Types Of Friendships:
Acquaintances
People you know of and might interact with occasionally, but don't have a strong personal bond with.
Casual Friends
Individuals you spend time with in certain social contexts, like coworkers or classmates. Your interactions are generally light and centered around specific activities.
Friends
People you engage with on a more regular basis, share common interests with, and might spend time with outside the initial social context.
Inner Circle
These are friends with whom you share a deeper level of trust, understanding, and emotional connection. You confide in each other and offer support through life's ups and downs. This is often where you find a best friend, someone with whom you have an incredibly close bond. You know each other's secrets, provide unwavering support, and can often feel like family.
As you examine this list, think about what categories your current friendships are in. Ask the Holy Spirit for discernment on the types of friendships you have. Depending on when you are reading this, you might find out that you don't have "close" or "best" friends after you examine current relationships. Let me encourage you: God is faithful. Ask Him to help you find that inner circle. Be patient in your pursuit of the inner circle, be selective, and guard personal information with a new friend, allowing time and getting to know their character as you develop that trusting relationship.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: 10 If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
Proverbs 18:24 and Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 show us the importance of strong, godly relationships. Do you have at least one brother or sister like that in your life? If not, how can you begin pursuing that kind of relationship?
Accountability & Mentorship
The idea of accountability and mentorship is sprinkled throughout both the Old and New Testaments. We need brothers and sisters in our lives who help us to grow toward maturity. Authentic accountability and mentorship are displayed if that person is willing to tell you the truth with grace and love, to make you better, not to hurt you. If you still haven't found a good mentor or close friend for accountability, please connect with your pastor or the leader of your church. They will love to help you along that journey.
Please be very, very careful with this selection. Examine this person closely before opening up. That is why I encourage you to get connected in a church to find a pastor to help you find a good mentor. If it's a friend, vet them well before the process begins. In this close relationship, being vulnerable and open is what leads to real freedom, but that openness should grow over time as trust is built. This produces healthier results in us and expedites the freedom from the sin that entangles us.
You should be looking for someone who is further in their journey than you are. This person demonstrates a strong walk with God, and their character backs up their talk. They desire to make the time to meet with you and sincerely want God's best in your life. As we wrap up today's conversation, I want to point you to some great verses that talk about accountability and friendship.
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. 2 Carry each other's burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Spiritual Manipulation And Abuse
Finally, we must remember that every human is flawed (Romans 3:23). Most Christian mentors genuinely want to help you grow in maturity, so we should not be overly paranoid. Instead, we should be wise and careful. You will not find a perfect pastor, mentor, or Christian, but I want to give you a strong caution to always be alert. If a leader says something or asks you to do something that seems questionable, search the Scriptures and ask mature brothers and sisters around you for advice (Proverbs 15:22). Be sensitive to the Holy Spirit, because sometimes the motives of a mentor can be wrong. If you sense something is off or confusing, get clarification (if it is safe to do so) and let other leadership within the church know. But if it involves anything unethical, sexual, physical, or illegal, do not wait and do not try to handle it privately, report it right away through the proper channels both inside and outside the church.
Why should we have a spiritual mentor? Also, do you currently have a mentor? If not, create a list of potential mentors and reach out to find one.
Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character."
You Made It To The End Of Day 15.
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